Glee. It's what I feel when I watch this show.

Glee. How I love you. How you brighten up my tuesday nights like the sun peaking over the dark horizon of the blackest night. *cough* Well, anyway, The last episode was so fantastically epic, it made me squee and swoon on my multicolored crocheted quilt. I haven't done that awhile! Glee going gaga was awesome, and I can't say I didn't love the small Edward-reference in the begining. I think I may type up a full review post on it tomorrow, but for now i'll write a couple short statements as my eyelids are starting to droop and that multicolored quilt is starting to look awfully inviting. :)

There are certain things that cannot be said in words. So only a picture can suffice.



There. Now if you haven't watched the episode yet, do it now. (You can watch it high-quality on fox.com or hulu if you were wondering.)

Lastly, I have one more thing. My fangirl haiku, to one of the lovely members of the glee club, entitled Ode to Kurt.

Kurt, when you sing out,
my heart always does the same.
Wonderful gay boy. <3

Sleep well everyone, and thanks for reading!

Ja ne,
-Hachiko

Change Me

I kinda don't know who I am right now. I guess i've been trying to find "me" recently without God's help. It's funny cause I sometimes here old people on TV talking about how they wish they could turn back the clock, but i'm 16 and that's how I feel. I really wish I was little again and my best friends were all I needed and I was good in school, and my dad talked to me. When if I cried I could lay with Taz on our warm carpet and cuddle him and everything would get better. Back when my family had enough money and my mom wasn't so stressed out and my sister so overworked.

I'm not ready to be a senior. It's not even that I think 'i'm not ready.' I'm just not. There's a bad case of senior-itis going around yet it doesn't seem like i'm going to catch it anytime soon. Everyone around me is so pumped for college, and i'm sitting here, holding on, thinking to myself "Wait! Please wait, let me get the childhood part done with first!" Gah, this is difficult. Meh, anyway, I don't know what else to say about that.

Hmmm... about wondering who I am. Well, the thing is I don't really know who I want to be... at some point I started being fake to cover up insecurities. People liked this fake part of me. I was glad. It was something they would accept. But I kept it up for so long, now i'm trying to remember which parts were genuine and which aren't. Truth be told I can't remember in the slightest. I should have never faked it in the first place. My true friends always loved the real me, and I don't know why I bothered trying to get anyone else's attention. Those don't really care either way. But now I have this front, a veneer that I can't seem to shake off, and my true friends don't care for that part either.

I miss them. I really wish I didn't pull away from them the way I did, cause I really regret it. When I hear family they're who I think of and I hope I didn't screw it all up.

I need to pray now, I know it, so I want to ask that I find the "me" that has God in it. One that's fearless, genuine, and not so afraid of getting hurt that it opens up and makes it possible to be loved. I want "me" to run straight to You, let go of the baggage and the covers and anything not genuine, and not be afraid to do it right in front of people, too. Change me.

Stuck In The Middle

Why am I? I've recently come to the realization that's i'm "in the middle" with all sorts of things. Honestly? It's starting to annoy me. Why did I have to be in the middle with school? In school from Kindergarten to second grade, homeschool from part of second grade to 3rd grade, school from 4th grade to part of fifth grade and back again to homeschool and it continues on. Maybe I would have liked to just be average in that aspect. Like most of the other kids were. Well, in either case usually they stuck to homeschool or public school or private school for awhile. Just one...?

Stuck in the middle with - that's right, i'm going there - race. Yeah, it usually doesn't bother me. I'm stuck in the middle. Black and white and little sprinkles of other things like a double-frosted cupcake. I don't even know why it bothers me tonight out of all nights... It just does. I've never really let it bother me before, but i'm just starting to wonder what it would be like to be just one. Just one... color? I know there's no one out there who's just one race, we all have a huge heritage and all that jazz, but I don't think you understand what I mean if you don't look it. Mixed. bi-racial. Whichever you prefer. I don't know... it's just different for me. People have been calling me black. I'm not. I would be proud to be black if I were, but um, I don't know if you've noticed, but i'm not white either. No, i'm not mexican, spanish, caucasian, african-american, whatever else you want to call me. I'm just me, so would you stop saying i'm what i'm not?

So yes, some people know i'm in the middle about some other things too. "Confused" is such an awkward way to put it. I'll refer to it as... only slightly unsure. I think that suits me better. Yes. I'm only slightly unsure about how i'm supposed to feel about certain people. I know i'm not making any sense, but if you know me, (and I mean you really know me) you'll know what i'm referring to.

Thank you blogger for giving me someplace to just say how I feel. This has been a hard night.

Ja ne, minna-san~
-Hachiko

So.... help.

Yep. This old blog has been sitting. Rotting away in a dusty corner for far too long. So here's how I want you to help. Give me one word. A topic. Any topic you can think of in one single word, and comment this post, and i'm going to have a word of the day. Whichever word I pick from the subjects is going to be what I post (rant) about that day. So pick a word, any word. I do have to admit, until more people subscribe and this blog becomes more popular, I may not get any comments to this, so the first few words I may look up on a word of the day app on Facebook or google or something. So.... please comment xD Thank you!

-Hachiko